Legolas and the Towel Stealers
by Spooks Apprentice
Summary: Legolas has his towel stolen! What will he do? Find the thief of course! But will he survive the evil creatures that await him? This a pretty random story and you will probably need a dictionary.


**A dictionary at hand might be useful when reading this story. Just so you know Legolas is 5 years old and if you really liked this we have written other stories about him… We don't own LOTR either.**

Legolas was having a bath. This was a regular occurrence, which was strange for elves. They thought clean stupid. Dirt was a natural thing and most elves didn't bathe more than 2 times a year. Legolas's mum however, was different. After spending a few years with humans she had picked up the notorious habit of bathing EVERY WEEK!

She made Legolas bathe every week too, and if Legolas was naughty and in need of severe punishment she made him have and extra bath.

Legolas hated baths. The jewel encrusted bathtub for his royal family was his arch nemesis. Dirt made Legolas feel more in tune with the environment, which is what elves liked. Clean was bad. The only thing good about baths was eating the bubbles. No wonder he was strange.

All elves secretly thought the queen was slightly insane, but they never said so because she gave them FREE piggy banks made of pure gold. At the moment the Queen was suffering under the painful tic douloureux which set her in a very bad mood. TD was when you got short momentary stabbing pain in the brain and sometimes leaves you unable to talk. But back to Prince Legolas's bath.

While his mum was unable to yell at him, Legolas pulled the plug and dashed off to find a towel, his mum always hid them so her children couldn't get out of the bath until she decided they were clean. So the little elf, covered in bubbles, ran through the castle in search of his towel, picking Foppsy and Pookie up on the way. Pookie was exceptionally cursorial and thus found the linen cupboard very speedily. Legolas jumped off the giant rat, which he had been riding, and selected a blue towel with 'Shinkin's towel' embroidered on it. Legolas couldn't read it but he pretended he could since there was a dirty elf strolling by eating some tulips and Legolas wanted the random elf to know just how smart he was. So, pretending to read it out, he said the first thing that came into his head.

"Shinkin's towel."

The elf looked at him in surprise.

"I didn't know you could read. Well done!" the elf said, a look of surprise on his face. He snorted in appreciation, as was the common practice among elves. Legolas smiled and gave him permission to move on. He then wrapped the towel around his waist and grabbed a few coat hangers from the cupboard for safety purposes. He never knew when he might need one. That was when he noticed large dirty footprints leading away from the linen cupboard. At first he ignored them, he was looking forward to his after bath treat of lox and loveapples. But then he smelt something very fishy… And then it clicked. A walking fish was on the loose in the castle and these were its footprints!!!!!!!!

He had only heard of the '_Moseous Salmonii_' in stories his nanny told him. It was a fearsome and virtuous beast that was prone to scale loss and could cure spreathed lips. Legolas had spreathed lips at the moment and was in need of relief. His lips had been dry, sore and chapped ever since he ate a bucket of salt in wild winds. He did that because was worried he had leprosy and was told by his oldest brother that that was the cure.

He quickly saw the fish disappear behind a corner further down the hallway. He hopped on Pookie and quickly followed it. The walking fish or ' Boris', the common name of the species, lumbered into the dungeon. Around it was wrapped Legolas' pink fluffy towel! Legolas gasped. What a crime! He would have to that fish to jail once he rescued his towel.

He hitched up his towel and began to follow the fish into the empty part of the dungeon. It looked like your average giant fish except for its big hairy legs. As the fish neared a cell, loud crashing noises emanated from some where close. The fish entered the cell and spoke these words:

"Glub, glub lubbity glub blubbyglub globoo."

The rough translation being:

"Shinkin, I hath braveth many dangers to return thy towel."

"Thank you Boris." Shinkin cried. Shinkin was a nightblind orc that had just escaped from the elvish prison, only to get stuck in the next cell. His head was covered in nubbles, which he got from bumping into things due to his nightblindness.

Legolas gasped. He was just outside the towel stealers vile den. Holding up a coat hanger he stepped cautiously in. The first thing he noticed was Shinkin's teeth. The vile black stumps made him shudder. Just that little observance started off a bunkum speech.

"You know your teeth are black. Really black. Mummy says black teeth are bad for you. That's why I got mine fixed. You should get yours fixed. And make sure you get them fixed good. You don't want them to break. Daddy broke his tooth once. It looked really funny." Legolas said, flashing a cheesy smile, showing off his gorgeous plastic teeth.

The fish was so shocked by the little elf's rudeness it 'glubbed' soundlessly for a minute. The orc wasn't surprised, just nightblind. Legolas noticed that Shinkin lacked all habiliment except for fig leaf underwear. What a disgusting sight. Not that Shinkin knew, he'd never heard of mirrors, and it wasn't like he'd be able to use one down there anyway.

Legolas leaped into action and in a sudden move he twisted the coat hangers around the _Moseous Salmonii _to trap it. He then set Pookie on the orc, who was currently trying to walk through a wall. The orc just got more nubbles for his efforts. Legolas was offended by Shinkin's lack of clothing and apparent rudeness. That thing (he hadn't seen an orc before) just didn't know how to act around a nabob did it?

Legolas eventually got his two prisoners to his father. The elfin king congratulated him and him THE cards, which were highly prized and honoured. They were 'Get of having a bath for free' cards, 20 of them! Legolas smiled happily… 20 weeks of bathless bliss…

**THE END**

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